I read a piece this morning that really sat with me. It was an essay written by Lauren Rowello on NBC News Think. She talks about the inner critic who comes out when she looks at the New Year’s resolutions she didn’t accomplish for the year. That inner critic comes out when making new resolutions so those resolutions are rooted in stress and anxiety.
I do that, too. I look at my resolutions from this past year and I make my new ones based on what I didn’t accomplish. Then I rush forward to accomplish them without taking the time to celebrate what I’ve done.
Her story is a bit similar to mine in that my accomplishments came a bit later in life. I graduated from college at the age of 40. I graduated from grad school at 42. I didn’t experience college the way many younger people do because I had aged out of a lot of those experiences. After all, who wants to hang out with someone their parents’ age? But instead of really sitting down to celebrate those accomplishments, I was rushing out to find a job, a place to live, and then moving on with life.
I bought my first place on my own as a widow at 46. As soon as I got my keys and moved everything in, I went out of town on a work trip – then another, and another. My life was full of moving in, getting things set up, and work.
Rowello also talks about how easy it is to list our shortcomings rather than our accomplishments and progress. Isn’t it funny how the first list is usually longer than the second?
For me as a widow, those inner critic complications are smooshed with the complications of moving on now that Bryan isn’t with me. I’ve lived my life for the past few years in a bit of a fog. I feel like I HAVE taken time to reflect on things, but I move on without checking back in on myself.
It’s all a constant struggle and it affects how I start my life each New Year. I write out my resolutions while criticizing myself for not accomplishing the ones from the year before. I need the resolutions, though, because I like to have goals. I just struggle with that space between writing the goals and the end of the year when I look at them again. So this year, my resolutions will be rooted in one main thought:
Respect the journey. All of my accomplishments are a result of a journey. Instead of acknowledging just the accomplishments, I need to start respecting the journey as well. Buried in my accomplishment of graduating at 40 are all the little checkpoints in that journey as an older student and single mother – raising my son while I was writing papers, studying for exams, and just living day-to-day life. Those daily accomplishments should be celebrated. All the days I made it through without losing my mind after Bryan died should be celebrated.
I have the typical resolutions: read more, eat healthy, lose a bit more weight, and learn a new language. But at the end of each of those resolutions, I have a reminder: Respect the journey.
When I journal this year, I’ll take the time to celebrate my progress towards my resolutions and I’ll acknowledge my journey. Instead of berating myself for what I haven’t done that day, that week, or that month, I’ll ask myself, “What about this journey am I most proud of this week/day/month?”.
Rowello says it perfectly: “Celebrate my joy even though I feel like I should deny it.”
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